The story so far...

This space is intended to be a place where I can keep my friends and family informed of events in my life as I deploy to Iraq. It's not really meant for public consumption. However, no details, specific names, units or operational information will appear here beyond that which is already in the press. OPSEC. Loose lips sink ships, ya know...

So here is the story so far: I served as an active duty soldier in the US Army in the early 90s and in the PA National Guard in the mid-90s while I was in college. During college I married my high school sweetheart. After graduation, I left the military, got a good job, bought a house, had two wonderful kids and proved the American Dream is still very much alive and well.

So...how did someone with such a great life end up with an all expenses paid vacation to Iraq, courtesy of Uncle Sam? After 9-11, I contacted recruiters about going back in and going to OCS (Officer Candidate School for the uninitiated). I knew war was on the horizon and I wanted to do my part. I didn't want to toss my family into the whole military world. So the National Guard seemed a good fit. Well...the recruiters never got back to me and life was busy so I just remained Mr. Jake.

Then the Iraq War happened. Then I watched a lot of my friends and neighbors going off with Guard and Reserve deployments. It was tough to sit on the side lines. So in June 2005 I went back. I decided I'd do 4 years and no more. I wouldn't volunteer for anything but I'd make myself available to the Army for that time, then I'd get out. Most likely that would be one deployment.

Most of my unit was still in Iraq at the time I began my enlistment (June, 2005). I made new friends and one of them volunteered to join the guys that were already over there. He was killed by a sniper. My original enlistment was a "try-one" one year enlistment. I'd have to extend if I wanted to do the full 4 years. That was a tough decision! My buddy just got killed and now I have to decide whether or not to stay for 3 more years. In the end, I did it. 3 more years...now my ETS (Army speak for when you are done with your enlistment) was June '09.

Right after I re-enlisted, our brigade became a Light Infantry Brigade (from Mechanized Infantry). I was a tanker. I drove 2 hours to drill with tanks. Now I'm being told to forget tanks and learn to ride my "LPCs" (Leather Personnel Carriers...aka boots). I was _not_ happy. If I knew that change was coming there is no way I would have re-upped. But I'm generally a glass-is-half-full kind of person and decided to make the most of it. I went to a two week infantry school and learned what I could in that short time.

In the mean-time, in my civilian life, things really took off. I changed jobs to one that has a fantastic military leave policy (they pay the difference between my military and civilian pay for the FULL deployment) so my family wouldn't be impacted financially by me being deployed. My kids became involved in travel ice hockey and I started coaching. Between a high-pressure, well paying job, the National Guard and two kids in hockey, life was becoming unbearably busy.

Then word came that the PA Guard's 56th Stryker Brigade was deploying but they are short on people and we would probably help fill in so they would have enough warm bodies. Now remember...I'm tanker. A Stryker Brigade is like Light Infantry with some wheels. I knew that since I hadn't deployed and most of my brothers had, I'd be near the top of the list. By this time, I had decided to just ride out my enlistment and go back to being Mister as soon as possible. This was stressful. The waiting, the not knowing.

In February 2008 we got the word. 25 of our guys were going to mobilize in Sept 2008 with the 56th. But I wasn't on the list! I seriously thought that was just an over site. Okay...I felt relief...but we all knew the list would grow. In March, I was told I would be a "super numenary" (what the Hell is a numenary???) This is to fill in for any guys that can't deploy. Then In April, I got moved to primary. I was going. My wife and I decided to keep it secret. The kids would be devastated and we didn't want them to worry or for it to affect their school work. So we decided to wait until closer to the end of the school year.

In June I was going to have to go for training in Mississippi for 3 weeks so in May we told the kids. That was the toughest thing I ever had to do. My son broke down and cried. He declared he didn't want to wear any of his Army stuff any more. My daughter didn't understand. She was 6 at the time and a year is too long a time for her to contemplate. So I told her it meant I wouldn't be able to coach her hockey team. That got her crying!

The three weeks in Mississippi were tough but it went fast. I met the guys I was to go with...generally a good bunch and good soldiers. I found out I was to be a crewman (either gunner or commander) on a Stryker Mobile Gun System. This is something I could get excited about! It is like a small wheeled tank with a 105mm gun. It is pretty much what I enlisted to do originally (only an M1 Abrams has a Hell of a lot more armor and a bigger gun)...My old Platoon Leader would be the PL for us and I'd be with my other tanker buddies. No footin' it for us...leave that to the crunchies...(For those of you in Rio Linda 'crunchies' is what tankers call infantry...because that's what you do to them).

But then after I got home from MS, our training NCO called and told me I was OFF the list. What? Why? No one knew. I had some ideas why, but I can't go into that here. Let's just say my civilian job had an influence here. My wife and I decided not to tell anyone again. After all, we could end up right back on the list and I really didn't want to put everyone else (especially the kids) through THAT emotional roller coaster. So we only told a couple of other people and work (so they could plan for me to be around...just in case I didn't go, I'd still like to have a job!). The kids were already adjusting pretty well to the thought of me being away (as well as can be expected anyway).

So for a month, we lived with me being off the list but knowing I could be back on. Back to the not knowing...back to the worrying every time the phone rang...back to the sucking. My wife and both got it in our heads that I wasn't going. No matter how much we tried to use logic to convince ourselves it wasn't true, we went back to living like I was just a weekend soldier and would soon be getting out fairly soon. I even started counting down the drill weekends to becoming a civilian again (11 more to go! Yay!)

For some reason I decided to work from home today. I have a laptop and can log in from home and work as if I'm in the office. It is very rare for me to do that but I spent the last two weeks on a very high pressure business trip and I had just dropped the kids off at an all day hockey camp and just wasn't feeling like a day in the office, plus a bunch of my friends were meeting me for lunch to say good-bye. I was not looking forward to this since I had myself convinced I wasn't going. It felt like lying to not let them in on the secret...So I decided to stay home. I had just logged in to work when my cell rang. 'Armory' was displayed on the screen.

'Uh-oh' I said.

'What?' my wife said...I held up a finger and answered. I knew what it was...

So now I'm BACK on the list. Orders will be given to me at drill this weekend. So I really really doubt it will get turned around now. It felt like a kick in the stomach. All the bad feelings from the first time I was notified came rushing back. Sadness that I'll be away from my family and all the pain I'm putting them through. Fear at being hurt or killed or worse: failing and getting my buddies hurt or killed. But after time that wears off and is replaced by other feelings: Pride, excitement, a sense that after I'm done, my freedom...the marriage to my high school sweetheart, the good job, the nice house, the two wonderful kids and the ability to do things like hockey and vacations to the beach and whatever else I want...will be earned. My boy and girl and my wife will have earned their freedom. I pray our sacrifices will be no more than some time apart. To lay more upon the alter of freedom (as Abe Lincoln put it) will be a great price to pay, indeed.

So I'm starting this blog as a place to keep people up to date on what is going on. I'll try to update it weekly as I prepare to deploy and as much as I can once I leave. Hopefully I'll have at least some internet access Over There to be able to continue to update it. If not, maybe my wife or children will keep it up to date.

Thanks for reading. God Bless.

SGTJake.